Relationship Series: Are You Trustworthy and Loyal?

Loyalty is not a personality trait - it is the difference between relationships that survive hard seasons and relationships that collapse under pressure. Christy Dragotta breaks down what it really means to be trustworthy, protect confidences, and choose an inner circle that strengthens your character instead of weakening it.

She unpacks Scripture-backed wisdom from Proverbs, 1 Corinthians, and the teachings of Jesus to show why a friend who "loves at all times" is built in the inconvenient moments - when life is messy, when someone is hurting, and when showing up actually costs you time, energy, or comfort. If you've ever wondered how to tell the difference between a fair-weather friend and someone safe to confide in, this episode gives you a clear filter.

You'll discover:

• Why gossip destroys trust faster than almost anything else
• How to respond when a friend betrays your confidence
• What it looks like to defend someone without covering up wrongdoing
• Why "bad company corrupts good character" is more than a warning, it's a strategy for choosing better relationships
• How to build a circle of friends who push you toward wisdom, not away from it

Christy also gets practical about the people you let influence you most - from close friends to voices you follow online - and why time in Scripture is the foundation for discernment, wise friendship, and a life that reflects Jesus. This is a direct, convicting, and deeply useful episode for anyone who wants healthier friendships, stronger boundaries, and a more trustworthy way of showing up for others.

Perfect for anyone rethinking their inner circle, healing from broken trust, or trying to become the kind of friend people can truly count on. If you want relationships marked by loyalty, wisdom, and real love, this conversation belongs in your queue.

Transcript

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Hey friends, I am so glad you're with me today on Get Honest. In this part of the relationship series, we are going to talk about loyalty and trust. And so I'm going to be addressing it as if you are the one that I am talking to about how you need to act and go forward. When you are looking at having relationships with people, you need to be looking for these character qualities in them as well. And nobody's going to walk this out perfectly. Jesus did. That's it. But you want to surround yourself with other people who are heading in the same direction as you. That's going to be your inner circle. You're going to love people no matter if they agree with you, if they don't have your same values. You're going to love people the way that God asks us to love, the way that Christ modeled love before us. But when we are talking about the people you're going to surround yourself with, your community, it's very important that you are wise in making those decisions about who you let be close to you. So today we're going to talk about loyalty and trust and the role that those things play in relationships. So you want to be a person that is loyal and trustworthy, but also you want to surround yourself with people who are loyal and trustworthy. Proverbs 1717 is one that comes to mind and it says a friend loves at all times. At all times. So a friend loves whenever you are loving. A friend loves when you are going through an easy time. A friend loves when you are down in the dumps and can't find your way out. All times. There's not a season under the sun in which a friend should not be loving. And that's the kind of friend you want to be, is the kind of friend, not they call them fairweather friends, right? That are there when everything's going good and all is well and you're easy to be around. We want to surround ourselves with people and we want to be the kind of people that are there for people when they're going through their worst times, through those seasons that change a person, that form a new person where there used to be one person, now a new person is forged out of the trial that they've come from. And there will be a richness and a depth to the relationships that you walk through those really hard seasons with. And it will be beautiful, but it will be work and it will be hard. And the only way that you can do that is if you've received from the Lord love that you can give. That's really it. We have to receive from God first, and then we are able to give to others out of what we've received. So we want to love at all times. And then another proverb that I think is really beautiful is Proverbs 1824. And it says, a friend sticks closer than a brother. There have been seasons in my life where I have had all manner of friends. Growing up, I had just a group of girlfriends that were so like family to me. And at that time, my sister was older than me, and so I borrowed her clothes and I ruined them and all kinds of things that happen when you're in the family with someone. But those friends, when I was going through something hard, they were there. And they would call me and we would talk and we would sit out underneath the stars and talk about hard things in life and good things in life. And they stuck closer to me than my sister at that time, who really just wanted to murder me. And who I was pretty frustrated with too, because when I would go to school, she would try to be my mom in front of all of my friends. She would mother me. And she was doing that because she loved me, but it was so humiliating. And so we necessarily at that time were more like this than we were like this. But my friends were there for me in a different way. And so you had the opportunity as a friend to come alongside someone who maybe never had brothers or sisters and didn't know that relationship, but you can stick by even closer than family. That's what scripture says. And so this means that you're going to show up consistently and not just in the times where it's easy to show up. Anybody can show up in the times that it's easy. When the money's right and everything seems to be going your way, it's easy to be your friend. But when you're struggling and you're going through a hard time, it is much harder to be a friend in those times. And you know this of yourself that when somebody just seems to be stuck in a rut and maybe they're going through a battle of depression or they've just lost their job. And so it seems like every time you're around them, you know, that it's negative and it's hard, and you're talking about all the things that are difficult. So you've got to suit up for those times and be the kind of friend that truly is patient and loving and long-suffering during those seasons that are really hard for your friend, just as you would want them to be for you. Staying committed, even when it's inconvenient, can be really difficult. But there are times when it's not going to be convenient for you because maybe you're going through a hard time and you have a friend that's going through a hard time. Being each other's support and being able to encourage one another through that season, not pull one another down, not commiserate, not that, but just being there for them. Hey, I know that right now I may not be able to be as available to you as normal because I've had to take on a second job or because something in your life is not going right. But I want you to know I'm here, and if you ever need to talk, please send me a message and let me know. And if I can, I will call you. This is the thing that looks like sending that text message when you're thinking about somebody, but you may not have the time in that moment for a full-blown conversation. But you can at least let them know, hey, I'm thinking about you. I am praying for you right now. The Lord has brought you to my mind. That is what it looks like to be committed even when it's difficult. Sometimes it's going to cost you. It's not going to be convenient. It's going to cost you, maybe it costs you money, maybe it costs you time, maybe it costs you emotionally. But that's what friendship looks like. You're willing to give of yourself, of your time, of your talents in order to love someone when they are going through a hard time. And loyalty isn't only reserved for the hard times, but that's when you find out which of your friends are loyal, which of the ones that will be around, not just the fair weather friends, the ones that stick around even when it's hard. Another piece of that is being the kind of friend that takes up for someone when maybe somebody else comes and is accusing them of something, being able to say, you know, that person is my friend, and I haven't found their character to be that way at all. Have you gone to them and talked to them? Defend them, but also point the other person back to the truth of what scripture says, and that is to go to them if they have a problem with them, not come to you. So be the kind of friend that protects, love always protects, it always hopes. So be the kind of friend that always protects your friends. And that doesn't mean if they've done something wrong, you're gonna lie or cover it up. But what that means is when someone is coming with a harsh word against a friend, don't join in and just start gossiping with them. But be the kind of friend that defends your other friend and says, hey, that's not really my experience with them. I think if you're feeling this way, you need to go and talk to them. You don't join in to gossip and slander, but you would have that person go to the person that they're upset with or that they have a problem with. And this is just something, it is part of loyalty and it is part of building trust, but this goes back to character too. Be the kind of person that you're not the person that somebody comes to to talk bad about other people. Be the kind of person that people stop coming to you to gossip because they know you're not going to join in. Because gossip separates close friends and it's not beneficial in any relationship. I've seen so many families that have been impacted by the pain of gossip. And we've covered that in communication, but I just want to reiterate that if you're loyal and you're a trustworthy friend, you aren't a friend that gossips. And don't surround yourself with people that are gossips, because I'm telling you, if they gossip about other people, they are very willing to gossip about you as well. That's just the truth. When somebody shares something with you, you keep it in confidence. You don't go out and tell everybody else, no matter how juicy the morsel is, or no matter how many other people you think could be affected by this. You take what they say and you keep it in confidence. You pray for them, you take it to the Lord and you talk with them about it, but you don't let that become something that you share with other people. You can't be trusted if someone comes and tells you something and the first thing you do is go tell other people about it. That is not a trustworthy, loyal friend. So be the kind of friend that it's safe to share with. Don't repeat private information. Even to your other close friends, if they haven't shared it with them, don't be the friend that shares it. Keep it in confidence, talk to the Lord, talk to them, but don't talk to other people about it. So if someone you're in a relationship with has betrayed your trust, go to them and talk to them directly about it. When you've been betrayed or a confidence of yours has been betrayed, go directly to that person and talk with them about it and tell them how it hurts you and how it makes you feel, and then tell them that going forward, you really want to know that if you tell them something, it stays there and it doesn't go any further. But if it's a repetitive betrayal of trust, then you cannot confide in that person anymore. I'm gonna read a couple of proverbs that go along with what I've been talking about. And Proverbs 11, 13 says, a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. And so this is the wisest man in all of the Bible. King Solomon wrote the Proverbs, and he asked the Lord for wisdom, and the Lord gave him wisdom. So he has more wisdom than any other man that walked the earth, and he says that a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. I think that's important to just tuck away and know that we want to be a trustworthy person. We don't want to be one that betrays our friends. And then similarly, in Proverbs 25, 9, it says, if you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man's confidence, or he who hears it may shame you, and you will never lose your bad reputation. So it's important to have the kind of character that people know when they tell you something, you aren't going to go out and tell a bunch of other people about it. So with that being said, let's talk about choosing our friends. It's important to be the kind of friend that we want others to be to us. That's just the golden rule. It's common sense, treating others the way we want to be treated. But when we're looking for friends, the Bible has a lot to say about that too. In 1 Corinthians 15 33, it tells us that bad company corrupts good character. If you continually put yourself around other people whose character is known for gossip and betrayal and not being trustworthy, you will become like those who you hang around. Bad company corrupts good character. That's true. And then in Proverbs 13, 20, it says, walk with the wise to become wise. So how do we become wise? How do we become trustworthy? How do we become loyal? By walking with those who are wise, who are trustworthy, who are loyal. That's how we have good and solid friendships, surrounding ourselves with people who have good character, who make good friends, who are wise. And we want to be that friend to others as well. And in Proverbs 12, 26, it reminds us that the righteous choose their friends carefully. And this doesn't mean, I mean, you're going to have interactions every day, all day long, with people who don't have the kind of character that you want. You're going to have interactions with people who don't believe the same way that you believe or ascribe to the same faith that you ascribe to. It says that we are to be in the world, not of the world. So we don't become like the world around us, although we will be surrounded by the world. But I am talking about your group, your small group of people that get together often, the people that you spend the most time with. See to it that those people are wise and that they walk in wisdom. See to it that those people are people who spend time in scripture and surround themselves with people who are like they want to be. It's not that we don't let other people into our group. We guard our time. We spend the most amount of time with the people who are acting in ways that we want to act, who have the character that we want to model. And that's why spending time reading our Bible, hearing the words of Jesus, reading the words of Jesus, seeing his teachings, watching the way that he treated others around him, listening to the parables he told, these are ways that we grow in our character to become the best kind of friend. So let's just evaluate the people in our inner circles and see who is most influencing our mindset and our choices. And if you're being influenced in your mindset and your choices by people who are making less than wise decisions, it is time to remove yourself from that friend group as intimately. It doesn't mean you stop being friends with them. It just means that you spend more time with people who are becoming like what you want to become. So that looks like seeking relationships that encourage your growth. People that will push you, iron sharpens iron, people that will come and speak the truth to you in love when they see something in your life that doesn't look like what Jesus modeled for us. In addition to that, you're going to limit time with people who pull you away from the things that are life-giving and honoring of God. These decisions are going to be not passive decisions, but very intentional decisions that you make around who you spend your time with and who you let influence you. That includes podcasters, that includes people that you watch on YouTube that influence the way that you think about the Bible. The way to test for accuracy is to sit just you in the Lord and you take that book and you read it and you let God speak to you his truths from his books of wisdom and instruction. Once you know the word of God, you will be able to rightly decide when you're hearing someone teach if they're just teaching on something that may be off over here a little bit that doesn't line up with the full scripture. And the only way to know the scripture is to really read the scripture, to be with God and ask his Holy Spirit to enlighten you. The more you know of the Bible, and not just one book or two books or the New Testament, but the scripture is consistent from the Old Testament all the way through the New Testament, from Genesis to Revelation, there is one unified story. It all points to Jesus. It all shows us that the character of God is full of love and compassion. He is merciful. These are the words he describes himself with, and we see it in the Old Testament and we see it in the New Testament. Anyone that would tell you that Scripture is inconsistent has not read Scripture through the lens of understanding that God is good. They don't have the lens on that tells them that God is a compassionate God, full of love and mercy, to generations of people. And so we need to make sure that we are rightly looking at the Word of God. But until we've spent time learning the Word of God one-on-one, I'm not talking about just listening to sermons. We can listen to somebody else's interpretation of Scripture and we can be challenged and we can grow. Sermons are important. Getting together, meeting together at least one day a week and getting in the word with other people and hearing other people's perceptions of scripture is important. It's really important and can help us grow in our walk. But nothing will help you grow in your walk like spending time in the word yourself. Until you have had time in the word, it is hard to judge correctly what you're hearing. Right now, you can go on YouTube and you can find anything you want to hear. Scripture tells us that in the last days, people will surround themselves with teachers that teach what their itching ears want to hear. You can find a preacher that's going to agree with you and what you want the word to say anywhere. It's easy to find. But finding someone who rightly divides the word of God, that, isn't that what you want? Is to know the character of God and the truth of God as He declares it. And then standing on that word and recognizing when someone comes in with a teaching that isn't full of truth. So it's very important. I know this isn't an episode on Bible study, but I will tell you that in relationships, the closer you are to the Lord and the more invested you are in the Word of God, the more you spend time with God in His Word, allowing it to instruct you and teach you, the better friend you're going to be. Likewise, your friends who spend more time in the Word will be better friends to you because they're going to be challenged in that living and active word that rightly divides things. They will be challenged and you will be challenged to live in such a way that it honors God, which is always honoring of the other person, because that's how He is. Be loyal. Be the kind of friend that you want to have. In your intimate circle, surround yourself with people who are becoming the kind of person you want to be, who are acting in ways that model Jesus' behavior and action towards others. And I know that you will grow in wisdom as you surround yourself with people who are walking in wisdom. So that's my exhortation for you today. Be loyal. Be someone that can hold confidence. Be a person that people run to to share their hard times with because they know the only person you're going to be talking about it with is God. You will lift their needs up to the only one who really can do something about it. I hope you have a great week. I thank you for joining me today, and I look forward to continuing this relationship series with you guys. Have a great week.